Dear Governor Perry:
I've read your official decree, formally naming today through Sunday "Days of Prayer for Rain" in Texas.
And I'd like you to know that I immediately did as you asked. I even lit a candle, in my bathroom, above the toilet.
In other words: if you get rain, it will be thanks to me.
Or it might be thanks to the prayers in the Synott Mosque, in Houston.
Who really knows, after all, whose god is withholding this rain? Mine? Theirs? Yours? (If it turns out to be yours, would you please switch to mine? Yours is clearly a jerk.)
I also thank you for using your official capacity as governor to summon your people to prayer. The government authorities in many other countries do the same—I'm thinking, for example, of Afghanistan—and it's long since time America followed their pious examples.
Keep up the good work, governor. I've always liked a man—particularly a man with an accent—who tells me to get on my knees.