The Little Conqueror

It must mean something, this capacity to continue to feel life as I've felt it since adolescence.

Certain sensations abide, uncontaminated by nostalgia, exhaustion, or wisdom. By way of their persistence, I continue to recognize myself; I cohere.

Memory, when it's not entirely an act of the imagination—when, in other words, it's at least a little bit accurate—requires no effort and gives meaning to the sensation of my continuity.

Without effort I remember my roommates playing Nevermind over and over, day after day, at BYU: I remember the sensation of walking into my apartment, into a song, and sitting with my cheap lunch at our kitchen table and listening.

So this new song feels like college:



Which is another way of saying that it feels like me, right now, continuing.

The intransigence of hope might be one of the more important lessons that I took from college. Other people learn about it elsewhere; a lot of people have learned about it from rock 'n' roll.